Watching a survival documentary on National Geographic…
“This program contains images of tribal nudity”
Moments later
Kids: Eeeeeewww!
A: He ate a beetle larva!
H: He ate that cause he’s in nature, and there’s no food when you’re in nature.
Mask Pants
Me: H, are you still wearing your mask from school?
H: Oh. Yeah. I forget it’s on sometimes.
A: After it’s been on your face all day, you forget you’re wearing it. Just like pants.
Worth It
I go to get ice cream for H.
A: Can I have some?
I look at him.
Me: Are you really sure?
A: …yes. I know it’ll make my tummy hurt, but it will be worth it.
Me: You’re gonna make the best adult one day.
A: I know. When I’m an adult I can make all sorts of risky decisions.
H asks…
H: Dad, what color is your heart for real?
Me: Uhh, dark red?
H: No! That’s maroooooon!
We bought A a new game for his Switch (Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze) for being so good in school. He says..
A: This is the best present ever!
Me: Better than your sister?
A: No, she’s still in the lead.
Don’t tell me Covid and quarantine didn’t mentally fuck up a generation of kids.
H, sobbing before bed…
I don’t want to die someday.
And then…
But what if you and mommy die when I’m still a kid?
I catch A putting a toy in his mouth.
Me: A, don’t put toys in your mouth. You’ll choke.
A: No I won’t. It’s too big.
Me: Fine. You could catch coronavirus.
A tosses toy into H’s bed.
A: Ok. I’ll give coronavirus to H.
Not there yet
Putting the kids to bed…
Me: Do you want to go fly kites tomorrow?
A: Yes!
H: I want to go to the zoo…
Me: We can’t go right now, baby. There are still germs.
A: You told us in 2021 we could go places again?
Black Ice
Driving home during a snow day. Called my mother to tell her the schools were closed. As soon as we hang up, A asks…
A: Why did G-mo say not to hit a black guy?
Me: Black ICE! ICE!
I hope so
H: Daddy, what if you die when you’re a grown up and we’re still kids?
Me: I won’t let that happen, H.
H: But what about G-mo and Nanne? What if they get really old?
Me: I don’t know, baby.
H: But why does everyone have to die when they get old?
Me: So new babies can be born.
H: Will we be new babies again?