I catch A putting a toy in his mouth.

Me: A, don’t put toys in your mouth. You’ll choke.

A: No I won’t. It’s too big.

Me: Fine. You could catch coronavirus.

A tosses toy into H’s bed.

A: Ok. I’ll give coronavirus to H.

Not there yet

Putting the kids to bed…

Me: Do you want to go fly kites tomorrow?

A: Yes!

H: I want to go to the zoo…

Me: We can’t go right now, baby. There are still germs.

A: You told us in 2021 we could go places again?

Black Ice

Driving home during a snow day. Called my mother to tell her the schools were closed. As soon as we hang up, A asks…

A: Why did G-mo say not to hit a black guy?

Me: Black ICE! ICE!

I hope so

H: Daddy, what if you die when you’re a grown up and we’re still kids?

Me: I won’t let that happen, H.

H: But what about G-mo and Nanne? What if they get really old?

Me: I don’t know, baby.

H: But why does everyone have to die when they get old?

Me: So new babies can be born.

H: Will we be new babies again?

H, waking up on the couch: Who put me in the living room?

Me: I did. You woke up crying last night.

H: Why?

Me: You woke up crying, so I brought you in here with mommy.

H: You should have just woke me up in bed. Not bring me in here.

Medium Eyes

Looking up at the sky in the backyard.

A: I see 20 asteroids!

H: You do??

A: Yesss, it’s cause I have big eyes to see them.

H: No you don’t! You only have medium eyes.

Un-Birthday

Getting ready for school in the morning…

H: Is Today A’s birthday?

A: No, my birthday is tomorrow.

…

A: Wait! It’s morning! Today IS tomorrow!

…

A: I think. Uhh, Daddy? What day is today?

H: IT NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY!

(It was not his birthday.)

Secret Song

I get back in the car after dropping off H at day care.

A: I sang a secret song while you were gone.

Me: What?

A: It was a song that only me and Santa can know about.