Outsmarted

At home from school for Thanksgiving break.

H: Aaron, do you want to play house with my dolls?

A: No.

H: How about we play with your cars?

A: OK!

H: They can’t be race cars. They have to be family cars. This is the mommy car, the daddy car, the baby car.

A: OK!

Nathaniel Rateliff’s song S.O.B. is playing in the car.

H: Is this song called SOB?

A: No, it’s called Son of a Bitch.

Watching a survival documentary on National Geographic…

“This program contains images of tribal nudity”

Moments later

Kids: Eeeeeewww!

A: He ate a beetle larva!

H: He ate that cause he’s in nature, and there’s no food when you’re in nature.

Mask Pants

Me: H, are you still wearing your mask from school?

H: Oh. Yeah. I forget it’s on sometimes.

A: After it’s been on your face all day, you forget you’re wearing it. Just like pants.

Worth It

I go to get ice cream for H.

A: Can I have some?

I look at him.

Me: Are you really sure?

A: …yes. I know it’ll make my tummy hurt, but it will be worth it.

Me: You’re gonna make the best adult one day.

A: I know. When I’m an adult I can make all sorts of risky decisions.

H asks…

H: Dad, what color is your heart for real?

Me: Uhh, dark red?

H: No! That’s maroooooon!

We bought A a new game for his Switch (Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze) for being so good in school. He says..

A: This is the best present ever!

Me: Better than your sister?

A: No, she’s still in the lead.

Don’t tell me Covid and quarantine didn’t mentally fuck up a generation of kids.

H, sobbing before bed…

I don’t want to die someday.

And then…

But what if you and mommy die when I’m still a kid?